Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
