wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
