he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
