WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
