I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I believe in your delicious
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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