I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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