Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
