I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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