My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
