How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
