I hate your face
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
