I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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