the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
