Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
