ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
