She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
