I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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