I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We just shotgunned beers for America
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
