Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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