He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
