I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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