I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
