Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
