At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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