Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
