I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
