i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
