So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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