He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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