i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
