Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
