just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
too bad you live with your parents still
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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