I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
