the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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