Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize