the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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