anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
