im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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