idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
