he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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