You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
