i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
