Moan for me like Helen Keller
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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