Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
