I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
