I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
third nipple confirmed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
