**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize