i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
