She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
