Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
