you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
