ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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