Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
