HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
