Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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