Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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