So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
