Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
