Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
