Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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