I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
