this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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