if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
