We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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