i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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