If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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