Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
